I have a completely irrational fear of being home alone at night. I do fine when it’s light outside, but there’s something about the dark unknown that terrifies me. I thought I would be fine here since the house is in the country, and it stays light in Ireland until around ten p.m. I was wrong. I spent the first little bit exploring the grounds and taking pictures, then talking to my family and eating dinner. I even watched a little TV and read a book. As darkness startled to settle in, however, so did my fears. With four cats and two dogs in a house that was built in the mid 1700s, there are quite a few unfamiliar noises occurring, especially when you’re listening for what could be footsteps. I tucked myself into bed at eleven and called Grania just to tell her I was going to sleep and to ask what time they might be home. She didn’t pick up, and when I called Joe, I discovered his phone wasn’t even on. In my mind I started to go over how dangerous my situation had become. I had no cell phone, no neighbors at home, and the only people I knew in the entire country were not picking up their phones. I started to cry and pulled the covers up over my head. I chastised myself for agreeing to stay alone in a house I had only been at for less than 72 hours and not bringing the dogs upstairs to bed with me. I started to consider what I would use as a weapon should I find myself squared off with a prowler. I considered whether I would hide or fight them. I wondered what I would do if I decided to hide but someone set the house on fire. I thought maybe I should put my tennis shoes on in case I had to run to the police, wherever they were. I recognize that I am the kind of person who is good at debating, which means I not only frequently talk other people into things, but I am constantly arguing both sides of situations in my mind. I understood that my behavior was irrational, but there was still nothing I could do to tell myself everything was safe. I have watched far too many episodes of CSI and Law and Order for that. At that point I decided to call Grania again to see if maybe this time she would pick up her phone. She didn’t. I decided to brave the elements of my room and rush over to the desk to grab my computer and scurry back into bed. Once I got my computer I realized the battery was dead; I started to cry again. There was no way I could get out of bed to plug it in. After about 10 minutes, I finally decided I was brave enough. I am that person who actually listens when the stewardess on a plane explains the safety regulations. I seek out the emergency exit and go over every possible scenario in my mind. I know that if the plane were going down, I would make sure to have my life vest on and would let a few people jump out before me to make sure it was really necessary before I make the plunge. At night I lay awake in my bed or whatever bed I’m in, considering what to use as self-defense tools should the situation arise. I am always aware of my surroundings in public places. Every night since I’ve been here, I’ve slept with a bottle of spray suntan lotion in case I need to blind the person attacking me to give me the upper hand. I know where light switches are located. I believe we all have a time to die, but I want to be absolutely certain of my time and know there was nothing else I could have done to protect myself. So although my thinking is slightly neurotic, I am always aware of my surroundings, which is why I was scared to get out of my bed last night. Once my battery was plugged in, I decided to call Brendan and let him be my voice of reason. He did exactly what I needed him to do. He reminded me to stay calm and told me it would be a good idea to go get the dogs and have them sleep with me. I sprinted downstairs and coaxed the dogs into bed with me. Although they were whiny, they cuddled up right next to me, and Lady Gaga even rested her head on my stomach. It wasn’t the most comfortable way to sleep, but I felt much safer. I thanked Brendan, turned off the lights, and waited for Grania and Joe to return home. Although I did rely on Brendan’s voice of reason, I felt really proud of myself for overcoming some of my fears. It’s hard to separate yourself from your worries when you’re in the situation, even if you know they’re irrational. Grania and Joe returned at around 2:30, and once they did, I promptly fell asleep. I woke up this morning to a quiet house and ate my healthy cereal and drank my hot tea alone on the picnic bench outside. I thought about how I wanted to leave Plymouth to discover the Irish countryside this summer, about how I love to travel and try new things. I find it ironic that I am in a village of 800 people with not too much to do. Being in such a situation is forcing me to be OK with being alone. I don’t have a cell phone; I am often entertaining myself. I take walks alone; sometimes I eat alone. I don’t have friends and family to hang out with whenever I feel like it. I don’t have all my technology at the tip of my fingertips. I can’t drive somewhere whenever I feel like it. When I prayed to become accepting of being alone, God really put me in a place to figure it out. It’s definitely a struggle. Part of me wants to come back to the United States to the comfort and convenience of home. I have a very happy and fulfilling life at home, so I wonder what I thought was missing. I’ve decided that nothing is missing now, but I foresee recognizing that something is missing in the future, and I want to alleviate that problem before it arises and I don’t have the means to solve it. I took a walk to the end of the road this morning to take pictures and think. The weather is a little cooler here now, but it’s still warm enough to go outside in jeans and a cardigan. I prefer the slightly cooler weather to the hotness of Indiana summers. Joe offered to drive me into town and drop me off so I could explore Adare on my own. I responded immediately that I would love to, but inside I felt a little sad to be discovering something without Brendan. Happiness is so much better when shared. Regardless, I spent the day wandering in and out of shops around Adare. I began at the Adare manor, which is the village’s biggest draw because of the gorgeous golf course, grounds, and mansion. After taking pictures and adjusting to being on my own, I walked out on to the streets of Adare. I glanced around some shops and then stopped into the Holy Trinity Abbey Catholic Church. It dates back to between 1230 and 1240 and has only had a few renovations since. I bought a booklet about its history, and one particular line I love concerning why to build a church in the first place states, “But in every place a community needs somewhere they can call their own, somewhere to meet in prayer, especially that prayer we offer together. There are times when we need the support of a believing, worshipping community. We need to come together and for that we need a place.” The church existed peacefully until it dissolved in the 1560s. In 1863, the church was the possession of the Earl of Kildare who granted it to Thady Quin (The Quin, later changed to Quinn, family is very important to the area’s history), a lawyer descended from the O’Quins of Inchiquin. In 1824, the Quin family gave the Abbey church to the parish. When I purchased the booklet, I had no idea the Quin family was so prominent in the area, but now I am quite glad I decided to read more about the church. After exploring the church, I walked over to the tourist information area and found a book I decided to purchase titled The Brendan Voyage: Across the Atlantic in a leather boat. My initial reaction was to buy the book because it has “Brendan” scrawled across the cover in bold face font, but after reading the description, it sounds very interesting. It’s the story of a group of men who use only supplies and tools available during the sixth century A.D. to sail across the Atlantic to see if St. Brendan’s voyage to Newfoundland was really possible. The book does not prove that St. Brendan did it but that it could have happened. It sounds gripping and real. I can’t wait to start it. I then walked to Adare’s Old Creamery Co. a little outside of town. It had an amazing sweets area and a beautiful little tea room. There was something cozy and endearing about sitting and drinking Earl gray tea by myself. I’ve been really wanting to buy something on this trip that reminds me of my summer in Ireland that is only for me but is not something too big or too expensive or that will be forgotten in a few years. While drinking tea, the girl who served me, Mary, said it’s nice to have tea for one. I liked the sound of that, tea for one. I didn’t buy one, but I think I’m going to go back and purchase a pink tea set just for me. It’s beautiful; it’s pink and flowered with polka dots, and it’s very fancy. The tea pot fits on top of the cup so it looks like a big tea pot, but it also comes off and works as a separate tea pot. Plus, it comes with a little saucer and containers for sugar and milk that are equally as pretty. I love that they aren’t a compromise so that Brendan can feel masculine if he wants to use them. They are very girly and very me. The more I sit and think about it, the more I want to buy them. It’s so silly, but I’m almost crying. I just feel so excited to have something that is just mine. I mean, of course I can share it, but I know I can sit, relaxing and reading a book, while drinking tea from my special tea set. After my tea date alone, I walked to the Adare Park and read my book on a bench. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time is really starting to get good. At 6:15, Joe picked me up, and we stopped off to pick up fish and chips for dinner. They were delicious, and I loved dipping the fries in olive oil. I hate that Grania has gotten me stuck on that! After dinner, the three of us plus Harry and Lady Gaga watched One Fine Day and Blood Diamonds. Both were good movies. It was a really great day.
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